What’s your name?
How old are you?
Tell us a bit about yourself…
I’m the Landlord of The Kings Arms, our village pub, which the locals affectionately call The Queen’s Legs. My main clients are a band of regular drinkers, and I also let rooms out to local organisations like the Parish Council and the Women’s Institute.
What’s the best bit about living in Little Piddlington?
No-one here knows it, but my pub brings in more cash than any other business in the village, including the Post Office. My most profitable day is always the Wednesday before the Post Office gets robbed.
What do you care about most?
Being liked by everyone, and running a friendly pub everyone wants to come to at the end of the day.
What are you obsessed with?
Trying to turn a profit despite the high unemployment in the village. I’ve even managed to install a coin slot in the snooker table.
What’s the best thing that ever happened to you?
Discovering that running a pub means I can earn a living while enjoying my social life.
Tell us your most embarrassing moment…
The day PC Tanner came to see me down in my cellar and saw me setting up my whiskey still. I told him it was a part of the brewery plumbing. Still don’t know if he really believes me.
What are 3 words that best describe you?
Friendly, tactful, hard-working
Finally, what do you like to do in your spare time?
Placing a bet at Sharkey Sharp’s on who will steal the Post Office money this time.
You can purchase The Last Thursday Ritual in Little Piddlington here.